I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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