are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
