Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize