the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
