I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
