ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Randomize
