Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
