margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
