I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
