could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Found the puke drawer
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
