Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
