from now on my penis is your penis
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
