the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
