Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
