i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
time to smoke my breakfast
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
