he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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