She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
