the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
