If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
