This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
