giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
why do cheetos always look like penises
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
