i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
