Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize