I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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