moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
