Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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