At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
