Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
