That's when you crack a 10am beer
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
