Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
