my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
