He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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