I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
