i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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