Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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