i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
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