Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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