There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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