DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
