u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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