u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize