i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You smell like stripper and shame
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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