You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I am mentally ready for anal.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
