Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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