Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
