He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
