omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
