I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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