I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
