The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
