wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
