I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
