I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
