yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
