booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
