the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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