Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize