Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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