Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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