Can i not drive my cunt home
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
