sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
