just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
