bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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