He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
