he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
