he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
