God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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