The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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