My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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